22/10/08
Ahem, today a lot of things in happened.
Lets start with the morning.
POPS.
Jessie and Charmaine are chosen for pops.
Because of their results.
So I think Tian2 and Preya got it.
I am damn sad about it.
Because it made me realise that results are everything.

I just realise something.
People with me, I mean my close friends, will sure leave.
Like Shermin, Hui Han, Jia Ling, Vivienne, Pearl, Jessie, Charmaine...
Many more.
I hate being abandoned.
Like I said before.

When I am with Mei Lin they all today,
I played UNO and stress with them.
But I tell you,
I did not enjoy myself.
Nor have fun.
I did not feel welcome at all.
I felt that I am in a different world than them.
They are the play type, I am not.
They are very close friends, I am not.
I was not even invited to play with them.
Nor the celebration on Thursday.
Nor on Friday.
3 words to descibe my feelings.
I HATE THEM.

Oh, did I tell you that hot shot is being banned on youtube.
Because of some Copyright issue.
I wanted Maths tuition.
Jessie one.
I dunno why, maybe to improve or just to feel secure.
But sadly, my mum said no.
She say chemistry can, but maths no.

Jessie is sad that she is leaving TKGS.
Obvious la.
Without seniors, her life would be boring.
She told me,
she wont have wanted to stay in this school,
become a prefect,
and to dui fu MCP.
She made me walk around the school with her like dunno how many rounds can.
When I wanted to be in class to play stress.


Gosh, I tell you something.
Which will freak you out.
MCP is Studying.
She started studying.
For goodness sake.
Exams are just over la.
She started on History.
Gosh.
I got to better buck up.

Jessie is the closest person to me in TKGS.
Everyone is only concern if she is feeling sad.
But me, no one.
No one even think I will be sad.
No one came to console me.
Right, they only think that Jessie will be sad.
Me, no.

I regretted choosing HIS core.
I should have taken Physics.
Tian2 and Jessie took that.
Option J is very popular.
Partly because I thought that Shu Rui will be in that class.
Because Jessie said so.
So because I did not want to end up the same class as me,
I choose HIS core.
But when I suddenly realise that I may not be able to take GEOG core.
My heart suddenly felt very pain.
The fact that I could not take GEOG again hurts me.
I love GEOG.
Pls, just let me go to OPTION J.
I realise I always regret after I do something.
How???

Ahem.
I am stuck in the middle again.
I secretly made Jessie and Jodi presents for them at Mei Lin's house. (They are not suppose to know)
Then I could not tell them
So Jessie come and ask me to get a combine present with her for Jodi.
And
Jodi come and ask me to get a combine present with her for Jessie.
How.
No choice lor.
Go get with them.
So in the afternoon.
I pretended I had not get a present for Jessie and shop with Jodi for Jess present.
And in the evening.
I pretended I had not get a present for Jodi and shop with Jessie for Jodi
present.
How complicated can my life get???
Gosh.
I am always stuck in the middle.
And you know what the option for my next year class make me stuck in the middle too.
I hate that feeling.

(To someone:)
I knew I am being selfish.
But I want to keep you beside me.
I cannot help it but lie to you.
I am sorry.
I really want you to know that I am sorry.
I did not meant to hurt you.
I knew that thing is very important to you.
But I cant tell you the truth.
I scared you will leave me.
I knew keeping you for myself is really a selfish act.
Please forgive me.

Form Mi2 blog.
I know that you had tried to encourage and comfort me.
But there are just somethings you will not understand.
No matter how hard I tried to forget and cheer up.
I will somehow land on that matter again.
Time is all I need.
I need time to heal my wound.
Thanks.

Sometime, things we are irrational.
We just do it, because we feel like it is right.
We just dun care about anything.
But irrationality is going to land you in big trouble.
Where all the consequences come pouring in on you.
Yeah.
I must be more rational.
Get control of myself, before I get myself into hot soup.
I live life.
Yeah.

Oh yeah,
Jessie stop using for my last requests...pls...
I really wants to promise you.
But sometimes there are just somethings that you cant understand.
So pls do not use that sentence again.
It hurts a lot to reject you.